


Every Breath

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: First Times, M/M, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 01:57:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/792717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A misunderstanding leads to greater events... In short, Jim gets jealous.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Every Breath

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my great betareader Dine, who gave me the nerves to post, who helped the French girl that I am to write properly in English, and whose insights made this story complete. You're the best Dine! Thanks also to Helen, who gave me the final approval that I needed. Helen, your "sacrifice" was welcome ; ). And thanks to Juli for the lyrics she sent me maybe two months ago... See, I wrote a story after all! This is the first thing I ever wrote (sentinel, fanfic, whatever), so any comments are welcome, negative, positive... But please no flames. 

## Every Breath

by Melo

Author's disclaimer: No Amelie, they do not belong to you... Not yet anyway:)

// means thoughts

* * *

Every breath 

Blair looked at Jim for what seemed the thousandth time. Stone-faced as always, mindlessly surfing TV channels, Jim Ellison, Detective of the Year and Sentinel of the Great City hadn't said a word since they got home. 

Blair took a deep breath. "Ok big guy, what's your problem here?" 

Jim looked up at his guide, then resumed watching his basket ball game. 

"Nothing Chief". 

//Oh joy, another look-at-me-Sandburg-do-I-look-as-if-I-wanted-to-talk night at the Ellison-Sandburg's residence// 

He let five minutes pass, and said "You know how this is going to end, don't you Jim?" 

"What's going to end Sandburg?" 

"I'm gonna ask you like a thousand times what's wrong, you won't answer, you'll get pissed off and then I'll get pissed off, and at the end, you will talk. You know it. I know it, and I'm kinda tired tonight so could we just skip the boring part and get directly to the talking one?" 

//Jeez he knows me too well...//. Jim sat straighter on the couch. He did not want to talk about it. He did not want to talk about what he'd heard Megan say at the station today, when she thought he couldn't hear. An apartment. She had helped Blair to look for an apartment, but "shush, not a word to Jim, Sandy hasn't told him yet". 

He wondered why this thought bothered him so much. After all, it was only supposed to be for a week at first. //And how was I to know that a week in the Sandburg time zone was two years in real life???//. 

The kid was pushing 30 now. //And I knew this time would come someday, and well it would be nice to have my life back after two years//. He began to laugh softly. //God, who am I trying to fool anyway...//. 

The truth was, it really bothered him, this idea of Sandburg leaving. He somehow grew accustomed to the kid, to the weird tribal decorations all over the loft, to the papers on the coffee table and the books on his book shelves, to Sandburg talking incessantly about weird places, weird people... But deep inside, what really bothered him was the fact that he had told Megan about this, but not Jim. Were they best friends or what? //I would have understood, we could have picked a decent place for him to live together// 

"Well?" 

His guide's voice startled him. 

"Jesus Sandburg, Give it a break will you ? What part of no don't you understand?" He sighed. "It's just, I'm really tired too, and I promise that we'll talk about everything you wanna talk about tomorrow, Ok? But please tonight I just want to watch the game and go to bed." 

Sandburg looked at his sentinel, doubtful. But it was true that tonight he was too tired to argue. This case had just been too exhausting. Two runaway orphan kids, a very distraught aunt, who didn't know how she was going to raise the kids in her tiny apartment... God what a week. But he just couldn't wait to see her face when he was going to tell her about that new housing program the mayor had put in place. 

He and Megan had found just the right place : not too expensive, enough room to raise two teenage kids... He wanted it to be a surprise for Jim too. He had been so upset about the two boys, just another clue on how sensitive he was, under that big macho cop facade. //But Monday, what a surprise he'll have!// 

"Ok, but tomorrow, you won't be able to talk me out of it, you hear me?" 

"Yeah yeah, whatever. I'm going to bed. Goodnight Blair" 

"'Night Jim". 

Later that night 

Blair Sandburg woke with a start, his heart pounding in his chest. Something was wrong, very wrong. He could just feel it in the air. He listened. No weird noises disturbed the loft, in fact everything seemed pretty normal. He felt reassured, but still the impression that something was wrong wouldn't leave him. //Oh my, it must be Jim!// 

Hastily putting a pair of jeans on, he ran up the stairs. Jim laid on his side, his back to Sandburg, his white noise generator and sleep mask on, sound asleep. Blair felt foolish. //absurd fear 1, shaman of the great city 0//. He went down to his own room as quietly as he could manage. 

//I was lucky he didn't wake up... 4am in the morning, I 'd be dead by now// . He lay on his bed, cursing himself for his stupidity. He didn't even feel sleepy now. So he got up again, and decided to work on his Monday class instead. //Better now than Sunday night anyway...// 

He got so absorbed in his work that when he looked up from his book, it was 9am. Stretching, he went to the kitchen to make some coffee. //Funny that Jim isn't up yet//. He took his mug and Jim's from the cupboard. //Is there a better way to wake up than to have your coffee in bed?//. He grinned. // And having him mellow a little won't hurt to get him to talk either...// 

He climbed the stairs. Jim was in the same position as earlier. Turning off the white noise generator, he whispered "Jim, wake up, coffee's ready". No reaction. He tried louder, "Jim, wake up man, it's not every morning that you get to have your coffee in bed!". Jim didn't even flinch. 

The impression that something was wrong hit Blair full force. Running to the other side of the bed, he noticed the blue lips, the shallow breathing, and the worst, Jim's open eyes, staring at nothing. //Oh my god! Ok Sandburg, breathe, now is not the time for a panic attack//. He put one of his hands on Jim's forehead, and the other on his arm. Making small circular movements, he began what he had come to call : the zone-out litany. 

"Come on big guy, time to wake up, listen to my voice, you have to come back now, I know it hurts, but you have to, just listen to me, filter everything but my voice, come on Jim, you have me worried here...". 

It didn't take him long to see that it wasn't working. //I knew something was wrong last night, why didn't I check on him! And he's so cold!//. He didn't know what to do. A five hour zone out! He began to take his clothes off. //Body heat, he needs to know I'm here, he needs to feel my heartbeat to come back//. Stripped down to his boxers, he slipped under the blankets and spooned behind Jim. And repeated the litany again. 

"Come on Jim, you can feel me all around you, feel my heartbeat, time to come back now, come on big guy". 

All of a sudden, Jim's body tensed. 

"Sandburg??? What are you doing here?" Jim's head was pounding. What on earth was his guide doing in his bed? And where did that killing headache come from? He felt Sandburg relax behind him. 

"Oh Jim, I'm so sorry. I should have known, I should have checked..." 

But, but, he was crying? Jim could smell the salty scent of tears. 

"Chief, would you mind explaining why you are crying, and what you are doing in my bed?" He tried to keep his voice down, but the angry undertones were clearly audible to Sandburg. 

"I woke up last night, and I just knew that something was wrong, but when I checked the loft, everything seemed normal, and when I went to see you, I thought you were asleep, I could only see your back, so I went back to bed and studied, and I didn't realize what time it was until I made coffee, and I decided to bring you some, since you were still sleeping, but when I came, you didn't hear me, and you were, you were... Oh Jim I'm so sorry" 

"Sandburg, what are you trying to tell me ? And please try and make short and simple sentences, my head is killing me and I can't make sense of what you said..." 

He heard Sandburg take a deep breath. 

"YouzonedinyoursleepandIcouldn'ttalkyououtofit.That'swhyI'mhereinyourbed soyoucouldfeelmeandcomeback". 

He had said that so fast that he wasn't even sure Jim had understood. 

"You mean I zoned out while I was sleeping? How is that possible?" 

Blair got up. 

"I don't know Jim, I don't know... Look, why don't you take some aspirin for your headache, then go and take a shower? I need time to think about what could have made you zone last night, OK?" 

"Sounds like a plan. A shower is definitely what I need right now. I feel as if I had spent hours without moving, I'm stiff all over." He flexed his muscles, trying to resume the blood circulation in his arms and legs. 

"How about I make some breakfast while you shower? Pancakes sound good?" 

Jim's face lightened up. "Sure Chief, huh, do you think we might have some blueberries somewhere?" 

"I'll see what I find." 

Jim headed for the bathroom. Blair sighed. //Ok, pancakes then, I've always processed things better when I cook anyway//. 

He had came to several conclusions when Jim came out of the bathroom, freshly dressed in faded jeans and a blue shirt that matched his eyes. Blair's look lingered over his partner's jeans and shirt. He always paid attention to what Jim was wearing, saying... And this morning, he just looked gorgeous. //I wonder what he'd do if he knew. Knew that I could spend my whole life looking at him, listening to him... Probably throw me out of the loft before I have time to catch my breath...//. 

He sighed. He knew all too well that Jim was used to tuning him out. //Of course he needs me as his guide, but there's nothing more to it. I'm just a necessary inconvenience//. 

They ate their breakfast in silence, Jim lost in his thoughts, and Blair just wanting to have some more time to think about last night. They cleaned the table efficiently, long years of practice making it almost perfect. //Funny how I seem to always know what his next move's gonna be// thought Jim. But then, it was amazing the number of things he remembered about the kid. //Wonder what he'd say if he knew I knew so many things about him. Probably freak out and be out of here so fast even I couldn't see it//. 

Blair sat on a kitchen chair. "So, feel like talking now?" 

"Yeah, guess I have to, right?" 

Blair nodded. 

"Ok, but can we move this discussion to the living room? My headache is still killing me, at least I could lie down on the couch while you talk." 

//Woah! James Joseph Ellison, asking me for my permission to do something? He must really be worried, but then, I'd be worried...//. 

"Ok big guy, let's move." 

Once they were settled on the couch, Jim comfortably installed with a cushion under his head, Blair began to talk. 

"So tell me. What do you remember about last night?" 

Jim thought for a moment. 

"Well I remember you trying to make me talk without success" a quick look at his grinning face convinced Blair that he was just teasing him, "then I watched the Jags lose again, and then I went to bed. I was sooo tired that I think I fell asleep almost instantaneously. The next thing I remember is hearing your voice urging me to come back, and the sound of your heartbeat against my back." 

Those last words startled Blair, and when he looked up at Jim, he could swear he had seen the older man blushing. //Probably just my fertile imagination anyway...//. 

"And that's all? You didn't notice any weird noises, smells, anything unusual?" 

"No, I told you I fell asleep immediately" 

Blair was lost. //So nothing unusual that could have made him zone... What the hell is going on here?// 

"Did you eat anything special last night?" 

Jim grinned. 

"You mean except that tofu thing you cooked? No, nothing." 

"Go on, go on, one day, I'll just stop cooking, and let you starve till you beg me to cook tofu again." 

"Hey, that's not fair! I can cook too!" 

"Oh yeah? Well I'll just watch you die from scurvy after a year or two of macaroni and cheese, or from a heart attack after two months of non-stop Wonderburger..." Blair smiled mischievously. "How would you like that huh?" 

Jim felt that it was a lost battle. "Ok, ok, forget what I said. Anyway, I did not eat anything but what you gave me last night." 

"So we can forget about the allergy factor... What else... Could it be an emotional thing? Like the reaction you had with Danny Choi, but what...Oh wait, wait, I get it. What was it that you did not want to discuss last night?" 

Shit, not that again, when he didn't have time to find something to say. So he tried Sandburg's favorite : obfuscate. 

"It wasn't emotional Sandburg, you can forget about it." 

"Not emotional my ass, Jim. If it wasn't emotional, how come you wouldn't discuss it with me? Come on, spill it out already." 

Jim tried to stay calm. 

"I-do-not-want-to-talk-about-it, Sandburg. Just tell Megan that she shouldn't talk about the things you do together when I'm in the same room." 

To his surprise, Blair looked relieved. //Probably happy that he doesn't have to tell me himself//. 

"Oh, that's all? I'm sorry Jim, I wanted it to be a surprise, I would have told you on Monday at the bullpen." 

"What? In the bullpen!" 

Oh oh, probably the wrong thing to say. Jim looked really pissed all of a sudden. 

"Why, yes, I mean, it's no big deal, and I thought you might be happy about it, and Megan and I wanted it to be a surprise for you all, and..." 

Jim couldn't think straight. //He's going to live with Megan! And he planned to claim that in front of the whole bullpen?// 

"So that's it, is it? And I would have had the wonderful news on Monday?" 

The word wonderful was said so ironically that Blair shuddered. 

//What's he talking about?// 

"Well, yeah, I guess." 

Jim stood up, and looked at Sandburg. His face could have been carved in stone. 

"I'm going out. When I'm back, I expect you to be out of here." 

"What??? Wait man, if it's such a big deal, we can just forget about it, I mean..." 

Jim cut him in the middle of his sentence. "Forget about it? Shit Sandburg, what do you think I am? A homeless shelter? Give it a break and leave will you?" 

Blair didn't even have the time to say something before Jim was out. 

//Oh my god, what have I done?// He began to pace across the room. He just didn't understand. How could Jim be angry with him for such a small thing? What was the point with saying it in front of the bullpen? That didn't make sense. Why finding an apartment would be the cause of such an attitude? Or maybe that was just a lame excuse. That was the only thing he could think of. A lame excuse to get rid of him. Except even that didn't make sense. But then, why bother anyway. Jim wanted him out. So much for his importance. Life was ironic sometimes. To get a glimpse of the most important person of his life, and to have to leave him. Anyway he had no choice. //The only question is, where will I go?// 

He picked up the phone. 

"Banks" 

"Huh, Simon, it's Blair." 

"Sandburg?! Don't you have anything better to do on a Saturday morning than calling me on the one morning I decided to sleep in?" 

"Oh, I'm sorry, I, I didn't mean to disturb, I'll call someone else." 

Something in Sandburg's tone alarmed the captain of Major Crimes. //He sounds defeated... What the hell?// 

"No, no, Blair, wait, I was just teasing you. What's the matter?" 

"Jim just threw me out". There was such a sadness in Blair's tone that Simon couldn't believe what he'd just heard. 

"What? What do you mean, he just threw you out?" 

"Just that. He went out. I have to be gone when he comes back." 

That was enough to wake him completely. "Shit Sandburg, what the hell did happen? Aren't you guys best friends or what?" 

"I don't know Simon, I just don't know anymore. It's just, I need a place to sleep for tonight, and I thought that maybe..." 

"Of course, of course, you can sleep here. House's too big for me and Daryl alone anyway, and Daryl will be happy to have you here." 

"Thanks Simon. I swear, by tomorrow I'll have found another arrangement, but" 

"Oh, come on Blair, you can stay here as long as you want, I told you, it's no problem." 

Blair sounded relieved. 

"Thanks Simon. I just" 

"Sandburg, what did I just say ? It's Ok, really. When will you be here?" 

"In about an hour. I'll just pack the essential things you know..." 

"I know, Blair, I know. See you in an hour then." 

"Ok, bye" 

"Bye Blair, and don't worry, I'm sure everything's only a big misunderstanding" //God Ellison, what the hell is the matter with you?// 

Saturday night. 

He had been out all day, trying to understand what the hell had happened that very morning. What was the most puzzling thing was the look of astonishment on Blair's face. 

//What did he expect? He tells me he's moving in with Megan, and he expects me to stay calm?!!// 

On second thought, what really bothered him was why he shouldn't have stayed calm. It was not as if they were joined at the hip. Not as if Blair was committed to Jim by something other than his senses. So why did he felt so betrayed, and most of all, so angry? 

//Guess he expected me to give him my blessing... Funny I didn't notice anything was going on with Megan.// 

He grabbed a beer in the fridge and sat heavily on the couch. Of course it was possible that he hadn't noticed anything. But highly unlikely. //I notice everything about him. So I would have noticed if he had a thing for Megan. Pheromones can't lie.// 

The more he thought about it, the more unlikely it seemed. //He would have had to go out on dates sometimes.// But when was the last time he had seen Sandburg going out on a date? //That doesn't make sense// In fact, Blair seemed to spend more and more time with him at the loft, studying, or just staying with him watching TV. 

That's when he saw the letter on the coffee table. 

Dear Jim 

I suppose I should have seen it coming. It's already amazing that you could stand having me in your life for so long. But hey!, be happy, you have your life back. 

I guess I should have known I was only a disturbance for you. You never really paid attention to me did you? Just a necessary evil. But you have to know that you were everything to me. You could have found a better excuse to throw me out, but who am I to complain? 

A stupid apartment for the Wilkins. I still don't understand why you went postal on that. 

Anyway, I'm leaving. Or I'll be leaving as soon as I'll have understood why you zoned in your sleep. That means you'll have to bear with me a little longer. 

I'll be staying at Simon's for a few days. 

Thanks for the two greatest years of my life. And sorry that it was not mutual. 

Blair 

Jim was stunned. //An apartment for the Wilkins? What the?// The truth suddenly dawned on him. //Oh my god, what have I done?// Blair did not want to move out, he had just wanted to help some poor people rebuild their lives. //Fuck fuck fuck... What can I do...// 

What could make his guide come back? He began to realize that maybe he had gone too far this time. Blair did not even have the time to justify himself, his fate was already sealed. He could just picture his guide walking through the door, taking a last look at what had been his home for the last two years. But why did this image had a deja-vu feeling for him? 

//Calm down, you're a sentinel, not a psychic// He was turning the image in his head, trying to remember when he could have seen Blair in that situation when it hit him. He had dreamt about it. Last night he had dreamt about it. Oh God. He had to tell Blair about it. Could he zone on a dream? And why did he zone on that dream? 

He read Blair's letter again. And again, and again. 

"I guess I should have known I was only a disturbance for you. You never really paid attention to me did you? Just a necessary evil. But you have to know that you were everything to me." 

And the more he read it, the more he wanted to prove Blair that he was wrong, that he was everything to him too, that he... he... //I love him// How was that possible? //I'm in love with my very male partner// He opened the window and stepped outside on the balcony. //Breathe Ellison, you are not going to panic for the first time of your life// How was it possible to be so blind? Hell, he knew more about the kid after a week than he had known about Carolyn in two years. //But he is a man!//. Surprisingly the more he thought about that point, the less important it seemed. All he could think about was how to get Blair back. 

//I've already ruined so many things in my life, please don't let me ruin this one...// This very thought was enough to frighten him. Would this relationship be strong enough to last? Would they be strong enough to deal with people's looks and attitudes once they knew? Was there even a "they"? He had no doubts Blair was straight. He seemed to be chasing everything that had two legs and breasts, and he had never noticed his guide to have any interest in a man whatsoever. But then, neither had he. 

He had to make Blair come back. He had to tell him. //If he ever wants to come back... And even if he comes back...// He had never felt so hopeless in his whole life. //What kind of a Blessed Protector am I anyway...// But still, he had to do something. 

He picked up the phone and dialed Simon's number. 

"Banks" 

"Simon, it's...it's Jim" 

"What do you want?" Simon's tone was everything but friendly. 

"I...huh, can I talk to Blair?" 

"I really don't think he wants to talk to you right now. He refused to tell me why you did what you did, but I can tell you Ellison, I'm very disappointed in you. I thought you were a good man, but apparently I was wrong." 

Jim had never heard such scorn in his captain's voice. 

"Please Simon, this is just a big misunderstanding, I didn't mean what I said, I thought he was leaving me ok? I thought he was leaving and I just couldn't stand it. I know I was wrong, but please Simon..." 

Simon stayed silent for a long time. 

"I'll see what I can do. If he wants to, he'll call you back." 

Jim tried to protest, but Simon had already hung up. 

//Guess I just have to wait now//. He turned the TV on, and pretended to be interested in a stupid cop show. And then in two stupid SciFi shows. But Blair still did not call. He became restless. He was cleaning up the kitchen for the third time when the phone rang. 

"Ellison" 

"Jim?" Blair's voice was hesitant, as if he wasn't really sure of himself. 

"Blair, god, I thought you would never call. I, I'm so sorry, I was a real asshole this morning, but now" 

"Why?" 

Jim was so engrossed in his speech that he almost didn't hear the word. "I... I thought you were leaving me." 

"That's what Simon said. But why did you think that?" 

"Because I heard Megan talking about visiting apartments with you, but that people shouldn't discuss it with me, because I wasn't to know yet, and I thought you were moving out, and leaving me for...for..." 

"For what Jim?" 

"For Megan". The words were hushed, as if Jim was afraid of saying them loud. And the truth was he was ashamed. Ashamed that he doubted his guide, ashamed to have even been thinking that Blair could do that to him. 

"For Megan???" 

"Yes, please Blair, can you come back? I think we really need to discuss it, and I have so many things to tell you and..." 

"Ok." 

"Ok? Ok what?" 

"Ok I'm coming back. I'll be there in 20 minutes" 

Jim stared at the phone. 20 minutes. Just like that. //What did I do to deserve someone like him?// 

He had 20 minutes to prepare something that would make his guide understand how much he was important for him. 

20 minutes later 

Blair opened the loft door. Everything was quiet, there was a fire in the fireplace, the TV was on, mute. Nothing unusual except that Jim wasn't there. 

//What kind of sick joke is it?// 

He closed the door and hung his coat. So Jim wasn't in the kitchen, and not in the living room. 

//I swear if he's making fun of me, I'll...// 

And then he noticed an envelope on the coffee table, with his name on it, exactly where he had left his earlier. Next to the letter was the stereo remote. 

He opened the envelope. 

"Hit the play button" 

//Ok, where are the aliens who took control of Jim's brain?// This was weird. No, not weird. Under other circumstances, it might have been romantic. But why would Jim be romantic with him? Unless... 

//Stop it now and listen to the damned song// he admonished himself. He hit the play button. The smooth bass of Police filled the room. 

Every breath you take  
Every move you make  
Every bond you break  
Every step you take 

I've been watching you 

Every single day  
Every word you say  
Every game you play  
Every night you stay 

I've been watching you 

Oh can't you see  
You belong to me  
How my poor heart aches   
With every step you take 

Every move you make  
Every vow you break  
Every smile you fake  
Every claim you stake 

I've been watching you 

Since you've gone I've been lost without a trace  
I dream at night I can only see your face  
I look around but it's you I can't replace  
I keep crying baby please 

Every move you make  
Every vow you break  
Every smile you fake  
Every claim you stake 

I've been watching you 

Blair felt his eyes fill with tears. //Oh Jim// 

"I know what I zoned on." 

Blair turned around and saw Jim, leaning against the door. He was still wearing that shirt, and in the moonlight, he just looked like a perfect Greek god. 

"Really?" 

Jim stepped closer to Blair. 

"I think I zoned on a dream." 

The scientist in Blair kicked in. 

"A dream, oh man, how come? I mean, of course, now that you say it, it's possible, but woah, it must have been one hell of a dream to make you zone. And how are we going to help avoiding this? I mean it's not like I could control what you dream about, it would be like trying to control your subconscious or something..." 

Jim smiled. 

"But I mean how can you be so sure..." 

"Blair" 

"Yeah?" 

"You're rambling" 

"Oh... yes, but you have to understand how dangerous it could become. I can't monitor your dreams, neither can you and" 

"It won't happen again." 

Blair looked at Jim, startled. "And how do you know that?" 

"Because last night, I was dreaming that you were leaving me, and that won't happen again. What you wrote... It's so untrue, Blair, I mean, it's true that sometimes I tune you out, but even if I do, I still listen to your voice, I... I really like your voice, and don't think you're just the guy who happened to be there to help me with my senses... God, I just... It's difficult for me to say these things, but you're the best thing that ever happened to me Chief. You don't know what I used to be before. You saved me in so many ways. I... I do care about you Blair. Never doubt that." 

Jim took a deep breath. Blair was looking at him, gaping. His eyes were a little too shiny. In fact he seemed about to cry. //Come on Ellison, don't lose your nerve now//. He stepped even closer to Blair. //Now Ellison, Now!// 

"The song was to convince you that I do care about you. And this is to prove you that it goes farther than care". //Please don't let me be wrong on this// 

Blair watched as Jim's face came closer and closer to his. 

//This can't be happening, I'm dreaming, that's it, I'm dreaming, oh please let me stay asleep forever// 

And Jim kissed him. A gentle, tender kiss, full of love and promise. Blair moaned. He felt Jim's tongue on his lower lips, and opened his mouth to welcome it. The kiss deepened, becoming more and more passionate, both moaning now, until they had to part to take a breath. 

Blair was panting heavily. He ran his tongue over his swollen lips, enjoying the taste of Jim that was still there. He raised his head and looked at Jim. "Does that mean what I think it means?" 

//Please, please, don't make me wrong on this, please let him feel the same way, please// 

Jim folded his arms around Blair and nuzzled his head against his neck. 

"I... I love you Blair" 

//Thank god!// 

"I love you too" 

Blair took Jim's head in his hands and looked straight in his eyes. "Don't you dare do something like that again!" 

"Well, as long as you're not leaving me for Megan..." 

Jim was smiling openly now, and Blair smiled back. 

"Well, I don't know, maybe when you're old and gray..." 

"Ah Ah, very funny Sandburg... I guess I have to remind you who you belong to here" 

And he stole Blair's mouth in a breathtaking kiss. He had never felt like that before. Blair's taste exploded in his mouth, he felt as if he was flying. 

//God I could spend my life kissing him... Probably will anyway// 

He smiled against his soon to be lover's mouth. "What are you laughing at?" 

"Nothing, I was just thinking that I could very easily spend my life kissing you, and that made me smile just knowing that I will" 

Blair blushed. 

"God you're so beautiful". Jim's voice was deep and husky. Blair shivered. 

"I'm so sorry I didn't realize earlier... What's the point in being a sentinel if it can't help you with such things?" 

"Forget about it, lover, you have me now, and that's all that matters, is it?" 

"Can I, can I kiss you again?" 

//A shy Jim Ellison! God I love that guy// "You don't have to ask, Jim, you don't have to ask". 

They spent the rest of the evening making out on the couch, oblivious to the world, until Jim yawned deeply. 

"How about going to bed Chief?" 

Blair looked unsure. 

"Bed, you mean, as in bed?" 

Noticing the spike in his lover heartbeat, Jim looked back at him. He could tell that Blair was nervous. //Hell, so am I, now that I think of it//. But he wanted to have his guide next to him when he slept, he wanted to wake up with Blair besides him, to be able to lose himself in his eyes, to kiss him good morning, to... He knew that it might be too much for the younger man. But he couldn't help it. Now that he had Blair, he had to have it all. Thinking it would help ease his guide's worry, he tried to make a joke out of it. "Bed as in my bed upstairs, the biggest one anyway. I could never stretch my legs on that tiny bed of yours." 

"Uh, Oh, well, Ok, Ok I guess, yeah, Ok" 

//His heartbeat's still too high...// "But if you don't want to..." He let the last words trail. 

"No, no, I mean, it's just so fast I'm not even sure where I'm standing here. It's, well, I don't know... When I think about what almost happened today... I couldn't stand it if it happened again. It hurt so much and..." 

Jim took him in his arms. "It will never happen again Blair, you have to know that. I love you. I, I couldn't live without you, god I'm so sorry" 

Blair realized how guilty Jim still felt about his behavior. //How come I can only be angry for like 2 minutes with this guy anyway?// 

"Come on Big Guy, let's go to bed." 

"Really?" 

"Yeah. I love you Jim." 

"Love you too Sandburg" 

As he followed Jim up the stairs, he couldn't help thinking again about how lonely and useless he had felt during this endless day at Simon's house. 

But then he looked up, and saw Jim smiling at him, a loving smile, full of promises and joy, and he knew, just like that, that he would never feel lonely again. 

Fini. 


End file.
